oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
