either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
