You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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