you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
