The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
