it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sorry about my life...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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