Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
