:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
