our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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