I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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