i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
