btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
