It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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