she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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