I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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