he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
