So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
