hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
