no. you can't hotbox the world.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
