His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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