I could make wine with my vomit
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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