I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
