I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
