Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
