First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
