i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
