I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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