just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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