is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
