I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
worst night to have a conscience
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
