im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
