What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
