No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
