talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
