just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
