I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
