This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
