I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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