Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
