Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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