hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
