I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
