so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
