MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
