I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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