just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
