You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
