He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
