ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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