I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
