lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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