Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
