so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
