Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
