Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
