My pussy is not your playground.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
