Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize