i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
