dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
