I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize