just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
