Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
