i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
