They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
