I wish my penis had an off switch
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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