The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He did a backflip because drugs
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