I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
