Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
