Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize