K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize