Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
