I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
