I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
