dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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