i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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