This girl is more easily done than said...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As shirtless as possible
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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