This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
