i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
