What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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