Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize