Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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